Tag Archives: social situations

Safe With Your Own Kind

Watched Narrow Margin. A tense little noir with great one liners that had it all: humor, twists, violence, style, voice, and a little kid in danger. A gravel voice cop escorts a mob boss’s wife to court via train to testify but the mob wants her dead. If I see it on DVD I’ll definitely pick it up.

A lot of times people say to me:

“You hide behind your keyboard and your views, safe with your own kind and your own people.”

I’ve explained myself with the first part of the comment. I am a keyboard warrior. Being autistic, a keyboard is my preferred choice of communication. My weapon and skill.

Now, what is wrong with wanting to be with people who share your view, no matter your view? If you see black and everyone one else sees white, living in that white world is going to be hard on you, no? (no pun intended)

I grew up in a little hick town called Howell in New Jersey – Monmouth County – and it sucked. Today you would call it Trump country. It was full of Aryan, racist views. Narrow minded, stuck up middle class and white trash. Homophobic. I did not share or fit in. I was a freak, a weirdo, and a loser. I got my ass kicked a lot.

Why should I fit in? I mean, I could but who wants to vomit three times a day?

So of course I wanted to leave and find someplace to fit in, to share my views. And I did in Jersey City.

That’s not to say I didn’t learn about other points to view. I learned a lot about hate and prejudice during my childhood. I learned how sad they were. How they lived in fear. How money controlled them. I saw their POV clearly.

I also saw POVs of LGBT, Latinos, Chicanos, Blacks, Africans, Muslims, etc. I spent my life learning POVs since leaving Howell. And I made them my own POV. I’m still learning. I’m a fucking sponge.

So if anyone says that I’m hiding behind my kind’s pov where I feel safe, then yeah. I am. And I do feel safe. As an autistic who has been abused by neuro typical white people through out my life, I do feel safe on my side.
Narrow-margin-poster

 

 

 

 

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Too Much Information. Not Politically Correct. Whatever.

Started revising this Kharma short story that turned into a novel. Going well. I wrote a solid draft so I don’t see it giving me much trouble.

Revising second short that was requested for revision. Think I should have it done in two more days and then out. Was originally 1k and now it has the meat the editor requested: 1,700.


 

Neuro Typical people are weird. There are a lot of them in the world. They are a strange bunch. They like to talk about the strangest things. All my life I had to sit across from them and pretend to have conversations about the weather, traffic, food, clothes, popular television shows, other people not in the room, bosses, music, etc.

During said conversations I would always offer something about myself, my interests, my life, my flavor of talking in hopes they would offer something about themselves.

Bad move.

Strange looks, comments, body language from the other person and never personal sharing.

I’ve been told I have no filter. TMI, Too Much Information. Not Politically Correct. Whatever. I’ve been made to feel that there’s something wrong with me before I reached double digits. I’m weird.

And like most organisms I learned to adapt. I did two things. I learned to speak the Neuro Typical Language. I fucking suck at it. I do a lot of tongue biting and angry grunting and nodding. Then just fall back into my usual way of being.

Or I kept my mouth shut. I avoid people, parties. I smile and wave. I’m soon perceived as weird. I developed social anxiety disorder and depression and now pop no frills Lexapro.

The irony: Be myself, I’m seen as weird. Avoid them, I’m seen as weird.

But I’m not weird.

I’m Neuro Exception.

Biologically my brain does not have time with such frivolous shit such as the weather, traffic, and the people you want to talk about behind their back.

And I’m smart enough to pick up the secret. All this frivolous, meaningless talk is just a ruse to deflect me from seeing that You don’t want to talk about your Neuro Typical self for some reason while I have no problem talking about myself.

What do you have to hide?

What are you scared of?

Maybe you are just as weird as me?

Or just boring?