Tag Archives: autism

The Long Post and the Threat of Regression

FRIDAY

Kids had a half a day so the teachers can leave early from work and prepare for their three day week end. Damn the unions. So I managed to complete a little computer work.

Not able to get much done with BOTH kids home.

Watched Michael Mann’s Manhunter. Been a while since I’ve seen it. A slick minimalistic forensic crime noir. It’s a fine slow burn with great performances from William Petersen and Dennis Farina who you don’t see anymore, sadly. Tom Noonan and Brian Cox were wonderfully psychotic in different ways. What little time Joan Allen had she made a strong impression on the film.

SATURDAY

Did a lot more computer work. Some frustration between linking up the store with the website. HTML bullshit that I have to figure out. Be creative and work around it.

My daughter, M, spent some time with my wife’s Aunt Fuck and mother today while we went to the mall. Aunt Fuck was training M to say her name on her cell phone video so she could sent it to her friends and post it on Facebook. Now sometimes my daughter is repeating “My Name Is M”.

She’s going to be five in a few months. She’s broken out of echolalia. She’s top of her class and surpassing her goals in private ABA and in school. She has a strong chance to be in a mixed class in 3rd grade. Speech is her slight weakness. She should be working on her sentences, voicing what she wants. Communicating her needs. She already knows her name, the names of her family members and her pets.

I feel this aunt is regressing my daughter’s hard work. Also feels like Aunt Fuck is using her like a child pornographer in front of our faces. Giving her commands, making her do it over and over, making sure she looks at the camera. Treating her like a thing. Like she’s a retards, brainless.

But that’s how she talks to everyone. Yes, I hate Aunt Fuck. I’m going to have to ban her from my daughter again. Sigh.

Watched Michael Gornick’s Creepshow 2. This is the new Arrow edition, which looks stunning. This film has grown on me every time I rewatched it. We met Mike Gornick a few times at cons. He’s a nice, generous, and approachable guy. He started off as a Director of Photography for George Romero in the first half of his career. It’s a fun film but doesn’t surpass part 1.

SUNDAY

More computer work today. Boring, blah, blah, back ache, blah.

Helped D with his essay for school. Research.

Because of above had to skip writing group today. *sad face*

Watched Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive. It’s his second film. Funny. This film lives up to the reputation of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s bloody, violent, and intense and it’s all on the screen, unlike the other film, which was going for a PG rating or just shadowed out from the lack of lighting or budget. Pure Hooper insanity driven by performances from Neville Brand, Robert Finley, Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, and Robert Englund.

MONDAY

Started last round of edits for Cities That Eat Islands. Thank God, no computer work.

No school for the kids since it was a holiday. We didn’t get invited to any parties. Great!

Helped D with his essay again.

Sorry for such a long post. Wanted to do an autism post too but will save it for tomorrow.

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Don’t You Have A Filter?

More work on Cities that Eat Islands.

Submitted cover to designer for paperback version Bawling Sugar Soul.

D was home sick today. Helped him with his essay. A ridiculous subject. A hard one. Finding common ground between the Europeans, the Native Americans, and the African Americans in 1492. Gonna need some creative writing for this one.

So I have a habit of dragging people out of their comfort zones. I’m not just talking about with my books or on the internet where I fall into arguments with dunderheads. In real life too. See, when people say:

“Yeah, you’re a big man hiding behind your keyboard. But in real life you wouldn’t say those things.”

Well, yeah. I do say those things. I’ve had a life time of people telling me:

“You’re so crazy.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Don’t you have a filter?”

“What is wrong with you?”

And on and on.

No, I’m not crazy. I’m autistic. And maybe that means I don’t have a filter and that I’m rude or crazy…to those people. Maybe it means that I tell the truth without holding back. Maybe I want to be part of the conversation and don’t know the right way to break into it so I just verbally belly flop into it. It really depends on the situation.

Most of my life it has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I’ve been beaten in the face, kicked in the spine, kept from getting a promotion at Metlife, gotten in disagreements with co-workers, lost friends in person and on the internet, and fought with in-laws.

But it has benefits aside from my art. I have run into people that don’t react that way. They do take me seriously, accept me when I speak. And when I’m being funny, like unfiltered funny, they laugh. Like my wife and kids and my one or two friends that I manage not to scare away.

It’s hard. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t talk in public much. Making friends is difficult, especially with white people. Usually I have to hang out with a person a few times before I feel comfortable in front of them.

Then there are those people where you get that safe feeling from. They smile at you, they radiate acceptance. I appreciate those.

Personally I don’t mind moving out of my comfort zone. I love watching movies that threaten me, move me. People with ideas and imagination. Shift my thinking and perspective a bit. After all, as humans we have to change. It’s as obvious as our skin.

So why resist that autistic person who is pulling you from your safe place? Embrace them. If they are giving you a view outside the box, take a look. If they are telling you a joke that might be off color, go ahead and laugh. Consider them living art.

I get that society has these invisible laws and you might go to invisible jail if you break them where they will stare at you with invisible lasers filled with invisible shame. But if one resists change they suffer.

Life is short.

What do you have to lose living life set by dead people’s standards except for things you can’t see?

adult art caution cold
Photo by Trinity Kubassek on Pexels.com

Not Believe In The Media

Started this weeks new batch of pages for Cities That Eat Islands. Down to the last part and all that leads to the climax. Ka-ching. I imagine there will be a lot of tweaking.

Started Mark Miller’s Hellraiser: The Toll. A novella that’s placed between Barker’s novella and his novel the Scarlet Gospels. So far so good.

Still amazes me how there are many people out there obsessed with media and how the same people are telling others not to believe in the media. Not to let it control you.

“Media controlled person who then tells other person not to let media control you.”

I may have born with a brain unlike neuro-typicals but this just does not make sense to me. If you can explain it then please leave one in the comments.

Media, the news, is important to me besides in a professional position. It informs me of the world. The past and the present so I can better move into the future. I use it to filter through the many sides of reality to come to my own conclusion of the truth.

Truth = What we read + What people experience +  What we experience.

True, media is about click bait and gaining readers. They want to grab you with the headline. I do the same thing. It’s a business. We need to make money. By the way, did you buy my book yet?

But aren’t most adults with an average education able to decipher a piece of journalism between opinion and reporting? Able to tell when someone is trying to lead a reader along to one side or just giving the who, what, when, where, why and how?

The most tragic part is when I see twenty somethings tell teens not to trust the media.

What kind of future will there be?

But then I see said teens blow those twenty somethings away with their convictions, with their truths based on the equation above.

Maybe all will be all right in the world.

ancient architecture art artistic
Photo by imagesthai.com on Pexels.com

Shit Like That Doesn’t Happen Anymore

Friday Night

Watched Nicholas Ray’s On Dangerous Ground. Was impressed how gritty it was. Even when it moved to the rural upstate New York setting.

Robert Ryan was great as the violent cop who faced his literal demons. Through out the picture I was wondering where I had seen him before and remembered him in Act of Violence where he played the soldier who came home to torment the other into confessing his crime. Ida Lupino was again brilliant but didn’t show up until  halfway even though she got top billing. I think Ed Begley was the killer. If he was, he was great too.

Saturday

Finished editing goal for Cities That Eat Islands. All goes well, only one and half week left.

Read Robert McCammon’s Tales from Greystone Bay. Out of the three collected it has one I hadn’t read before. Perfect for my McCammon collection. The master.

Neen and I saw Back To the Future at the Loew’s Jersey last night. 50 foot screen and the original print. Nice warm colors with sprocket skipping. The way film is intended. Can’t find that in digital. Havent seen the film like that since I was 11. When that movie came out it played in theatres for a whole year. Shit like that doesn’t happen anymore. Movies are pulled out no more than a month and dropped in digital markets ASAP.

Anyway. It’s still funny and worthy of the model for pop screenwriting. The audience cheered when dad punched Biff and Marty hit 88 on the way home. It was the last film of the season until September.

Sunday

Spent the day recovering from a horrible night. Restless leg syndrome kept me up. Couldn’t close my eyes no matter how tired I felt. And when I finally did go to sleep, M woke up at 4 and wanted to party. She does this once an a while. For an autistic child she sleeps well. All of us are truly fortunate. My own sleep patterns are not so great.

Did tech work as you can see on the site. Less clutter, simpler. Maybe.

I will leave you with a strange quote I ran into over the week end about a baseball field in my town:

“it is equality because those fields aren’t open to anyone. They’re only open when there are baseball games.”

man wearing black waistcoat and white tank tops standing near a mural
Photo by XU CHEN on Pexels.com

 

A Bitch and A Blessing

Started next forty pages of editing for Cities That Eat Islands. Still a solid first draft. Mostly cutting useless words, rephrasing grammar, and moving word order. The benefit of editing as you go when writing the first draft. Still proud of what I wrote. Still the best I wrote so far.

Paper back cover for Surly Girly came back. Looks great. Resubbed for technical revisions. Should get it by tomorrow and can have it ready for the proof.

People (kids) can only take so much from an aggressor (bully) before they strike back (shove). Sometimes there is a mediator (adult) on their side who wants peace for all. Aggressors (bullies) beware tomorrow.

Cognitive empathy can be a bitch and a blessing for me.

I don’t have it.

Blessing: In times of emergency like a car accident or when the kids or wife get hurt, I am cold and focused and take control of the situation to heal them. (Autistics make great EMTs)

A bitch: When the kids or wife or anyone whine to me how sick they are or how horrible a situation is, I can’t empathize for the moment.

I try and say, “That’s horrible” or “That must be terrible for you.”

Sometimes it works but to the more immature individual (children and emotionally stunted adults) it doesn’t. They can tell I’m sort of faking. They think I don’t care. They get mad.

No, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just I don’t have the brain parts to do it. I wasn’t born with it. I have the autistic brain.

The further bitch of it is that I want to empathize at that moment. And like someone who can’t communicate to people, I get frustrated or angry.

One of the biggest myths about people on the spectrum is that they don’t have empathy. We do. We empathize with the world a lot. With people. With their struggles, with their pain. So much that it’s a major part of our depression. We’re very sensitive people.

We just don’t have cognitive empathy.

See the difference?

 

To Wake During The Closing Credits

Friday Night

Watched Fred Olen Ray’s Deep Space. Kind of like the remake if The Blob. The dates of the two are close. Note sure who ripped off who. A man made government creation comes down from space and starts killing people in LA. The creature FX were pretty good for the budget. The cops were over the top but so is the nature of genre. I fell asleep the last ten minutes. Woke up right as the credits were rolling. Damn. I’ll have to go back and watch it again.

Saturday

Sneaked in the last of the offline revising of the Miki files before I had to go out to my parent’s house for mother’s day/father’s birthday. All I left now is online work with distribution. Should definitely be done by end of the week mixed with other goals I have planned.

After driving home through the storm we watched Jeff Lieberman’s Just Before Dawn. Been wanting to see this for a long time. Didn’t disappoint. Great slasher with a nifty twist in the end. Again, I feel asleep at the last ten minutes and woke up at the credits.

Sucks when the body turns old.

Sunday

Took the mama of my children out to get drunk during lunch and got her the Arrow special edition of Argento’s Cat O’Nine Tails. Of course she didn’t know about it. If it looks as beautiful as the other Arrow revisions then she should be happy. Supposed to have lobby cards inside it two and a booklet.

We drank a bit. Funny about us is that we both don’t drink or do drugs. Not even weed. I guess you can call us straight edge. Our whole lives. Not for political or health reasons. Just never had reason to. Or maybe we saw too many negative effects from it.

But a few years after we got married we tried having a few drinks out. Like one or two. Now we do it occasionally. Once every two or three months.

Autistics make for happy drunks.

Well, buzzed anyway.

 

 

Finished revision goal for Cities That Eat Islands.

Submitted work order for paper back cover for Surly Girly.

Started watching Toxic Avenger. Hoping to get up to part three. One of the greatest super hero movies ever made. Always chokes me up. And I’m not saying that because he’s from New Jersey.

So over sensitized while waiting for D outside his school today. City is so LOUD. All the traffic and construction. So not autistic friendly. Thanks, Mayor. Have to start ring ear buds with me. Thankfully he only has a month and half left and then he goes to a new school.

While walking to the car with D and having a private conversation with him, two 12 year olds stopped us in front of Sugartown with a serious question:

“What is wrong with sucking dick?”

“Nothing,” I said. “But you shouldn’t charge ten dollars to do it in the Journal Square bathroom.”

The girl with bad day hair said,” What is wrong with you?”

Being one who lives in a disabled world, I smiled at her.

Some articles of interest:

12-Year-Old Autistic Boy Arrested For Pointing Imaginary Gun At School

Again, the system has failed the child. Why is the child still doing in a general ed class? I guess the state is underfunded or under educated. Of course the mother should have been called right away instead of the cops being called in. The child has diagnosis that need special process, not institution educational fascism.

https://crimewatchdaily.com/2018/05/10/prosecutors-office-wont-file-criminal-charges-in-day-care-beating-case/ 

The staff says another child the same age did it? Look at the picture. Really? The case is still open.

And on that note, I leave you this:

fuckoff