Tag Archives: asperger’s

2 things that bite my balls (one for each)

This week I was only able to sub 5 stories and received 2 rejections.

Was hoping for more rejections this week so I could turn more stories around. Though, an acceptance would have been nicer.

Markets are still slim. Wish there were more crime markets that paid well.

The sci-fi/ya short I have been working on this week is now at 4,400 words, tentatively called The Creative. Bland I know, but I still have some more words. I should finish the draft tomorrow morning. I’ll think of something better. I already have some notes for a second draft. Also I want to keep it under 5k but if it goes over I’m not too worried considering the genre it’s in. Sci-fi markets seem to take higher word counts and also pay higher rates.

So yes, things that piss me off. I’ll keep this short.

One, markets that make you pay to submit your work.  Many lit based markets, think University, want to charge you a fee so they will consider you short story for acceptance of their journal. I do have some lit stories that I push around and often run into these markets.

Also there is another type that will not read your submission unless you are a subscriber to their magazine. (No, this is not the market that says read a FREE issue before you submit to get a feel of what we like. They want you to pay to subscribe before submitting.) For fear that you will not know what they want to publish. For these people don’t have time to write guidelines to explain themselves. Or have SO many submissions from SO many subscribers to read. I don’t know.

All I know that they are both capitalist scum fucks that want the writer’s money or lazy, greedy basterds and you should stay away from them

Two, I have social anxiety disorder and Asperger’s. On one hand I’m compelled to stay away from people because I have things going on in my head to take care of. On the other I just don’t want to deal with people. But I still want to socialize when I’m in the mood.

When I do no one ever meets up with me. Not talking about strangers. Talking about neighbors, people I live with for the last ten years. They give me scripted talk and move on. I know nothing personal about them. So freaky and weird. This sounds familiar. I mentioned something like this before. But you know what I mean. I want to reach out and I’m the one on drugs for depression. But no one else wants to take the time. They’re in their own little world. I guess they’re Aspies too?

 

 

Sorry.  No talking bugs or anuses.

Just about done with 3rd part of Kharma part 12 revisions. Nothing much to say. I must sound like a broken record. Writing about writing is not very exciting. Not like the movie Naked Lunch. Sorry.  No talking bugs or anuses. No spies. No Interpol. No drug taking. My life is boring. The words in the story are exciting. To me anyway. Maybe to you. I’ll have to wait and see.

Been stalling on my Italian lessons over at Duolingo. I think it’s from all the revisions I’ve been doing lately. They wear me out and take so long and then I have other stuff and I just can’t force myself to do it. I think when I get back into witing 4 pages a day of a draft I’ll get back into the Italian lessons again. It was a good system. What I learned is still in my head…sort of. It pops up in my writing. I’ve meshed it in with names and such.

If all goes at planned I can start a new short in June, one that’s been burning in my head the last few weeks, and then a new Kharma, also burning, soon after that.

Been reading this collection of Tim Burton essays about his films. Some deep analytical stuff. Before this I’ve only read his own POV of his work. Interesting to get a subjective stance other than my own.

What I love about Burton’s work, what I connect with, is his exploration of duality. I’ve talked about this in previous posts. What we show people and what we hide. The perfect example of this is in Batman Returns, the uses of masks and what we hide; real freaks verses created freaks. So many people need to wear a mask to be who they are. While people like me (and you) act the way we do naturally without the mask and suffer for it, ending up dead and carried out by emperor penguins. :-p

What I’m taking from this collection (I’m only halfway through it) is how his films are broken down into 2 plot styles:

  1. Hero story. The hero who never changes ventures into a foreign world and changes others.
  2. The artists/storyteller, how they find the means to create and execute their voice.

There may be more one or two more. I can’t fit all his films into these two structures.

The essayists also bring up society, family, sexism, capitalism, and colonialism. Funny to recall all the people in my life who have put down Tim Burton’s films and yet these people have given them such critical thought.

But let’s break that criticism with more Stain Boy, episode 4

Even years from now they may mesh

More work on third chunk of Kharma part 12.

Ideas/threads to carry over into future stories pop up in my head as I edit along. I write them down in my little book for later. Bits for the next story or even the third or tenth story down.

Can’t stress enough to a new writers how important it is to carry a tiny note/sketch book. Things pop into you head at any time. For me it’s when my brain relaxes or is distracted, in meditative states. Listening to music, watching movies, reading, showering, or by water. Like David Lynch says, You gotta grab them. Write them down even if they’re not perfect. You never know what they can be later. Even years from now they may mesh with something else that could pop up later. 1+1=3

Went over final proof before publication on short story for Unwinnable Magazine. Yes, that was the short that I did many revisions on. “You Are Disturbing The Peaceful Mood I Am In” should be out in their May issue soon.

Oddly the editor wants me to send him an invoice for payment so he can remember to pay me. Which is fine and honest of him. Sometimes these editors forget to pay. Sometimes they never pay. So I will do that.

I discovered that Thomas the Tank Engine will release a new character with autism this summer which is cool. Then I thought, shit. Not for the character. For the fact that the vaccine people out there will put it down like they put down Sesame Street and their autistic character. How it’s bad to normalize, create acceptance and enlightment for autism, how parents shouldn’t be okay with their children being defective, and okay with doctors and the pharmaceutical companies making them that way.

Grrrr, poxy fuckers.

No. I’m not going to get into it.

Thomas is good. Thomas is good for autistic kids too with those big expressive faces. My son loved watching Thomas. God, the little bastard ran tracks through out the apartment and sped ten trains at a time. I had no place to walk with out tripping and stepping on them. We had all the DVDs and I had to watch that Alec Baldwin movie. I did like watching the episodes with George Carlin in them, though.

Still have the tracks and trains in storage. I should bring them out for my daughter to play with. She’s gonna be 4 this summer, she’s just about right for them.

Anyway, here is episode 3 of Stain Boy:

Too Much Information. Not Politically Correct. Whatever.

Started revising this Kharma short story that turned into a novel. Going well. I wrote a solid draft so I don’t see it giving me much trouble.

Revising second short that was requested for revision. Think I should have it done in two more days and then out. Was originally 1k and now it has the meat the editor requested: 1,700.


 

Neuro Typical people are weird. There are a lot of them in the world. They are a strange bunch. They like to talk about the strangest things. All my life I had to sit across from them and pretend to have conversations about the weather, traffic, food, clothes, popular television shows, other people not in the room, bosses, music, etc.

During said conversations I would always offer something about myself, my interests, my life, my flavor of talking in hopes they would offer something about themselves.

Bad move.

Strange looks, comments, body language from the other person and never personal sharing.

I’ve been told I have no filter. TMI, Too Much Information. Not Politically Correct. Whatever. I’ve been made to feel that there’s something wrong with me before I reached double digits. I’m weird.

And like most organisms I learned to adapt. I did two things. I learned to speak the Neuro Typical Language. I fucking suck at it. I do a lot of tongue biting and angry grunting and nodding. Then just fall back into my usual way of being.

Or I kept my mouth shut. I avoid people, parties. I smile and wave. I’m soon perceived as weird. I developed social anxiety disorder and depression and now pop no frills Lexapro.

The irony: Be myself, I’m seen as weird. Avoid them, I’m seen as weird.

But I’m not weird.

I’m Neuro Exception.

Biologically my brain does not have time with such frivolous shit such as the weather, traffic, and the people you want to talk about behind their back.

And I’m smart enough to pick up the secret. All this frivolous, meaningless talk is just a ruse to deflect me from seeing that You don’t want to talk about your Neuro Typical self for some reason while I have no problem talking about myself.

What do you have to hide?

What are you scared of?

Maybe you are just as weird as me?

Or just boring?

 

Since vaccines veganism, homosexuality, liberalism, and civil disobedience has increased

Ran into this article from NPR today about autism and vaccines:

Unfounded Autism Fears Are Fueling Minnesota’s Measles Outbreak

For the record my position on autism and vaccines:

I have found no reason to believe that vaccines causes autism based on all the studies done in the past and the ones that are still being done today.

But children are being loaded with so many vaccines!

Yes, they are. And I think they should be spaced out. I feel bad that my kids had to go through so many shots and they ran the risk getting sick due to said shots. But they didn’t.

You daughter has ASD. She got autism through vaccines.

No. I don’t believe that. Through DNA testing we have found abnormalities (lack of a better word) in my daughter leading us to believe that her autism is hereditary. My daughter received her autism from me (another blog post) or my wife most likely. And even if she didn’t. My son received almost the same amount of shots (7 year difference in age) and he doesn’t have autism.

Right now, there is no universal agreement on the cause of autism. But there is an universal agreement on what DOESN’T cause it. Studies funded mostly through government are still going on to find the answer. Me? I think it’s genetic/hereditery.

Since vaccines, autism has increased in the population.

Since vaccines you could say that veganism, homosexuality, liberalism, and civil disobedience has increased. Seriously it’s the law of averages. The population increases and so does it’s factors. More people are born and more people with autism are going to be born.

What about Dr. Andrew Wakefield and what he found in his study? He has Dr. in front of his name.

Seriously? Did you read the link? Why are people still bringing up this guy?

Many celebrities stand by the statement that vaccines cause autism. Jenny McCarthy! Even our current President. Um, Trump. Jenny McCarthy has been in Playboy, had her own sit-com that had been called by critics the funniest show since Lucy, and she has large breasts; large breast equal large brain. And President Chump, er, Trump knows a lot about autism. He can imitate stims! He is the sort of richest man in the world, he knows a lot about marriage, knows ratings, and how to get away with raping 13 year old girl with friends.

That is all true and makes for a strong case for their authority on autism. But one should not fall for the sales man of a cause. One should focus on the medical findings and listen to what their practitioners have to say about the issues. You wouldn’t go to those same people if you had cancer would you?

The government has created autism and slipped it into the vaccines to dumb down American citizens and…

Okay. The only one that is dumbing down anyone is themselves at this point. Go do your research. Read articles, pick up a book, volunteer your time, or make an autistic friend. Pretend it’s 1962 and you can’t catch skin darkening disease from a black man because he drank from the white water fountain.

I believe autism has been around a long, long time. Most likely many of the most brilliant minds in history had autism in one form (autism, ASD, Asperger’s) or another but human education/science just wasn’t there yet to categorize/recognize it. We humans can be slow on the ball.

Of course when I read these article what twists my nuts is how these individuals on the far right, and I know it’s the far right, pushes how humans with autism are nor NORMAL. My gut reaction is:

FUCK YOU!

Then my 2nd reaction is:

Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?

These people, the vaccine people, don’t want government to control what goes into children just like they don’t want the government to take their guns away. They don’t want to be control by their government. I get it. Neither do I. But they seem to take it to the level of fiction, a level of insanity to the point where the government is in control. I should know. I write fiction.

Why they need autism to scare the parents, I have no idea. It’s not a scary thing to have. Sure, each spot on the spectrum is hard on the parents and the person inside the body, but there is nothing EVIL or DAMNING about it. Nothing that we should risk our children’s life to measles or some other long dead disease from the middle ages.

The only vaccine for autism should be for the negative aspects of it not to eradicate it. Many wonderful things come from autism. I often have the silly thought that maybe it’s the next step in mental evolution if we can just get the crappy parts out of the way.

They scariest, the worst thing about autism, is facing the uneducated person in the world. The prejudice, the ignorance, the intolerance, the laughter, the mocking, the superiority, and the tisk tisk tisk, isn’t that a shame.

If they can find a vaccine for those people that would be swell.