Tag Archives: advice

Does Everyone Have An Agenda?

Worked on paperback files, some tweaking after I discovered a new trick. Now I look more like everyone else. Yay! Right. That’s what it’s all about, right? Looking like everyone one else.

Until they start reading the words inside and they find out that you’re not quite like everyone else. You start making them uncomfortable. You’re filling them with ideas and politics. You have an agenda. They throw your book across the room and write a horrible review about you.

Or they really dig it and buy the next one.

Whatever.

But yeah. Those are the times we live in. You hear the way people talk. The key words.

“The Conservative Agenda.”

“The Liberal Agenda.”

Or Democratic or Republic or whatever.

Y2K did bring the end of times but it wasn’t with a meteor or a total system crash. It was a clash of culture. It was with a black president that brought out the Aryan Movement. It was the biggest recession that revealed who was in power. It was the people that are just so fucking tired of it all.

Out with the old and in with the new.

But it’s not easy because the old doesn’t want to go so easy.

So yeah, people talk funny these days. Talk like they’re in some movie or in a dystopian novel. I’m used to it. I grew up watching that shit. Mad Max films and Warriors of the Wasteland and Solar Babies (haha) and what have you. I read all the books before like Fahrenheit 451, 1984, Handmaids Tale, etc. You would think that sales for these books would go down because people would need a break from real life but I see that they have been going up (here and here). I guess people need how to books to get along in this world.

How much of this shit can you take? Fiction has become reality

When shit started going down after the last election I wasn’t so surprised like others. I have been seeing the world like that all my life. I was happy. Finally, I was validated.

But you know what? They story isn’t new. Don’t get mad at Trumpians when they say that Trump didn’t start this. Yeah, he did start this, this shit that is going on NOW, but a lot of it has happened before. Government has always treated non whites like shit. Yeah, whites are treated bad, but most white people are sheep. You see the symbolism don’t you. White people = white sheep. Sheep take it. They’re submissive. Ready for slaughter. Easily led to food.

Look at history. It goes through phases. Some presidents are worse than others. We’re going through the worse right now. He’s even got his own language and world. It’s brilliant. And dangerous. But the people who follow him have always been here. Always. They were here since the beginning of the country. Shit. Since the start of the world.

Hate never dies.

Hate has an agenda.

So does love.

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Safe With Your Own Kind

Watched Narrow Margin. A tense little noir with great one liners that had it all: humor, twists, violence, style, voice, and a little kid in danger. A gravel voice cop escorts a mob boss’s wife to court via train to testify but the mob wants her dead. If I see it on DVD I’ll definitely pick it up.

A lot of times people say to me:

“You hide behind your keyboard and your views, safe with your own kind and your own people.”

I’ve explained myself with the first part of the comment. I am a keyboard warrior. Being autistic, a keyboard is my preferred choice of communication. My weapon and skill.

Now, what is wrong with wanting to be with people who share your view, no matter your view? If you see black and everyone one else sees white, living in that white world is going to be hard on you, no? (no pun intended)

I grew up in a little hick town called Howell in New Jersey – Monmouth County – and it sucked. Today you would call it Trump country. It was full of Aryan, racist views. Narrow minded, stuck up middle class and white trash. Homophobic. I did not share or fit in. I was a freak, a weirdo, and a loser. I got my ass kicked a lot.

Why should I fit in? I mean, I could but who wants to vomit three times a day?

So of course I wanted to leave and find someplace to fit in, to share my views. And I did in Jersey City.

That’s not to say I didn’t learn about other points to view. I learned a lot about hate and prejudice during my childhood. I learned how sad they were. How they lived in fear. How money controlled them. I saw their POV clearly.

I also saw POVs of LGBT, Latinos, Chicanos, Blacks, Africans, Muslims, etc. I spent my life learning POVs since leaving Howell. And I made them my own POV. I’m still learning. I’m a fucking sponge.

So if anyone says that I’m hiding behind my kind’s pov where I feel safe, then yeah. I am. And I do feel safe. As an autistic who has been abused by neuro typical white people through out my life, I do feel safe on my side.
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The Answer Is a Headline or a Meme

Found three images to work with for the cover of A Sandwich Can’t Stop a Bullet. Each one has a human factor in it. I’ll play around with them and see which one I’ll send to the designer later.

Watched the last two parts of the Puppet Master Axis trilogy, Axis Rising and Axis Termination. Both were directed by Charles Band who did not direct part one which was done by David Decoteau.

Although both are fine directors, Band decided to add a camp edge to part two and replaced the actors to the leads in part 1. The humor was jarring and the use of the sexy SS woman who then became the puppet with the tits that shot bullets was too much camp based on the balance created in the first film.

But then the two main characters from one and two are killed in the first two minutes of part three and all seems to return to order. Darkness returns. Some scene are fucked up and the movie is pretty good in a low budget, let’s rip off Universal Pictures sort of way.

I read that Full Moon has shot another Puppet Master that takes place in a parallel universe where Toulon is a Nazi and uses the puppets for evil. That would suck. But what can you do.

Any who.

Lately my hearing and smell has been very sensitive lately. Mostly my hearing to the point where I’ve been aggravated. Many noises set me off from aggravation to anger. I think I need to walk around with ear muffs or a head set in the apartment.

Saw my drug dealer yesterday. Keeping my pills the same. My depression has been leveled. I think doing this blog and vocalizing how I feel to others has helped. I know that others have no idea what I’m talking about. I live in my own world; fantasy world as the experts call it. That is the point of my brain, the disorder, the meaning of the word. No one will understand me. But I experience less depression than holding it in.

It does leave other upset and confused, but I’m not sure what I can do about that. If I’m upset and confused I search for answers. Maybe they should do the same. But that’s not how the world works. People don’t search for answers. They lay around and wait for someone else to tell them the answers. Or maybe they read the answer as a head line or a meme on the internet.

It’s frustrating and sad but I can always do something else.

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Always Trust Your Agent, Not

Little revising on Cities That Eat Islands and I’m done. Started this draft at 80,000 words. After cutting, pasting, and writing, I’m left with a 83,500 word novel.

I’m happy with it. It’s a good part one to a trilogy. I’m geared up for part two, which I hope to start in September when the kids go back to school. Maybe if all goes well I can start in August.

As usual, part two is big in my head and I have many directions like I did with the first one but since I never work with an outline and I just write as I go based on cause and affect…

I’ll just try to keep my head blank on plot for the next few months and write my ideas down in the little green book as I get them.

Snuck some computer work in.

Read an interesting blog post from Chuck Palahniuk one of the authors ripped off from the major and prestigious literary agencies out there today. Always trust the great old agent as they say. You poor writers.

Watched the 3rd part of Arthur. I enjoyed it. Fairly complex plot for a family movie. Good edition to my Besson collection.

Free speech is at war again. Both sides are in battle. I think. I don’t know. Everyone has an agenda. Everyone wants to control someone. What do I know.

automatic city control crossing
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The Long Post and the Threat of Regression

FRIDAY

Kids had a half a day so the teachers can leave early from work and prepare for their three day week end. Damn the unions. So I managed to complete a little computer work.

Not able to get much done with BOTH kids home.

Watched Michael Mann’s Manhunter. Been a while since I’ve seen it. A slick minimalistic forensic crime noir. It’s a fine slow burn with great performances from William Petersen and Dennis Farina who you don’t see anymore, sadly. Tom Noonan and Brian Cox were wonderfully psychotic in different ways. What little time Joan Allen had she made a strong impression on the film.

SATURDAY

Did a lot more computer work. Some frustration between linking up the store with the website. HTML bullshit that I have to figure out. Be creative and work around it.

My daughter, M, spent some time with my wife’s Aunt Fuck and mother today while we went to the mall. Aunt Fuck was training M to say her name on her cell phone video so she could sent it to her friends and post it on Facebook. Now sometimes my daughter is repeating “My Name Is M”.

She’s going to be five in a few months. She’s broken out of echolalia. She’s top of her class and surpassing her goals in private ABA and in school. She has a strong chance to be in a mixed class in 3rd grade. Speech is her slight weakness. She should be working on her sentences, voicing what she wants. Communicating her needs. She already knows her name, the names of her family members and her pets.

I feel this aunt is regressing my daughter’s hard work. Also feels like Aunt Fuck is using her like a child pornographer in front of our faces. Giving her commands, making her do it over and over, making sure she looks at the camera. Treating her like a thing. Like she’s a retards, brainless.

But that’s how she talks to everyone. Yes, I hate Aunt Fuck. I’m going to have to ban her from my daughter again. Sigh.

Watched Michael Gornick’s Creepshow 2. This is the new Arrow edition, which looks stunning. This film has grown on me every time I rewatched it. We met Mike Gornick a few times at cons. He’s a nice, generous, and approachable guy. He started off as a Director of Photography for George Romero in the first half of his career. It’s a fun film but doesn’t surpass part 1.

SUNDAY

More computer work today. Boring, blah, blah, back ache, blah.

Helped D with his essay for school. Research.

Because of above had to skip writing group today. *sad face*

Watched Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive. It’s his second film. Funny. This film lives up to the reputation of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s bloody, violent, and intense and it’s all on the screen, unlike the other film, which was going for a PG rating or just shadowed out from the lack of lighting or budget. Pure Hooper insanity driven by performances from Neville Brand, Robert Finley, Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, and Robert Englund.

MONDAY

Started last round of edits for Cities That Eat Islands. Thank God, no computer work.

No school for the kids since it was a holiday. We didn’t get invited to any parties. Great!

Helped D with his essay again.

Sorry for such a long post. Wanted to do an autism post too but will save it for tomorrow.

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Don’t You Have A Filter?

More work on Cities that Eat Islands.

Submitted cover to designer for paperback version Bawling Sugar Soul.

D was home sick today. Helped him with his essay. A ridiculous subject. A hard one. Finding common ground between the Europeans, the Native Americans, and the African Americans in 1492. Gonna need some creative writing for this one.

So I have a habit of dragging people out of their comfort zones. I’m not just talking about with my books or on the internet where I fall into arguments with dunderheads. In real life too. See, when people say:

“Yeah, you’re a big man hiding behind your keyboard. But in real life you wouldn’t say those things.”

Well, yeah. I do say those things. I’ve had a life time of people telling me:

“You’re so crazy.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Don’t you have a filter?”

“What is wrong with you?”

And on and on.

No, I’m not crazy. I’m autistic. And maybe that means I don’t have a filter and that I’m rude or crazy…to those people. Maybe it means that I tell the truth without holding back. Maybe I want to be part of the conversation and don’t know the right way to break into it so I just verbally belly flop into it. It really depends on the situation.

Most of my life it has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I’ve been beaten in the face, kicked in the spine, kept from getting a promotion at Metlife, gotten in disagreements with co-workers, lost friends in person and on the internet, and fought with in-laws.

But it has benefits aside from my art. I have run into people that don’t react that way. They do take me seriously, accept me when I speak. And when I’m being funny, like unfiltered funny, they laugh. Like my wife and kids and my one or two friends that I manage not to scare away.

It’s hard. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t talk in public much. Making friends is difficult, especially with white people. Usually I have to hang out with a person a few times before I feel comfortable in front of them.

Then there are those people where you get that safe feeling from. They smile at you, they radiate acceptance. I appreciate those.

Personally I don’t mind moving out of my comfort zone. I love watching movies that threaten me, move me. People with ideas and imagination. Shift my thinking and perspective a bit. After all, as humans we have to change. It’s as obvious as our skin.

So why resist that autistic person who is pulling you from your safe place? Embrace them. If they are giving you a view outside the box, take a look. If they are telling you a joke that might be off color, go ahead and laugh. Consider them living art.

I get that society has these invisible laws and you might go to invisible jail if you break them where they will stare at you with invisible lasers filled with invisible shame. But if one resists change they suffer.

Life is short.

What do you have to lose living life set by dead people’s standards except for things you can’t see?

adult art caution cold
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Not Believe In The Media

Started this weeks new batch of pages for Cities That Eat Islands. Down to the last part and all that leads to the climax. Ka-ching. I imagine there will be a lot of tweaking.

Started Mark Miller’s Hellraiser: The Toll. A novella that’s placed between Barker’s novella and his novel the Scarlet Gospels. So far so good.

Still amazes me how there are many people out there obsessed with media and how the same people are telling others not to believe in the media. Not to let it control you.

“Media controlled person who then tells other person not to let media control you.”

I may have born with a brain unlike neuro-typicals but this just does not make sense to me. If you can explain it then please leave one in the comments.

Media, the news, is important to me besides in a professional position. It informs me of the world. The past and the present so I can better move into the future. I use it to filter through the many sides of reality to come to my own conclusion of the truth.

Truth = What we read + What people experience +  What we experience.

True, media is about click bait and gaining readers. They want to grab you with the headline. I do the same thing. It’s a business. We need to make money. By the way, did you buy my book yet?

But aren’t most adults with an average education able to decipher a piece of journalism between opinion and reporting? Able to tell when someone is trying to lead a reader along to one side or just giving the who, what, when, where, why and how?

The most tragic part is when I see twenty somethings tell teens not to trust the media.

What kind of future will there be?

But then I see said teens blow those twenty somethings away with their convictions, with their truths based on the equation above.

Maybe all will be all right in the world.

ancient architecture art artistic
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